Author 



^ ♦ 




Title 






Imprint. 



i«- 




TASTE: 



A COMEDY, 



^^ TWO ACTS. 



J^Y SAMUEL lOOTE, ESQ, 



NEW- YORK : 

J^UBLISHED BV d. LONGWORTH, 

At the Dramatic Repository, 
Skakspeare-GallerT/, 

M<:w/— 1813, 



mmmmmmmmmmmmfUBFm 



m 





ROLO 

WRITTEN BV MR. GARRICti, 



m^rx 



% ^ ^ ^ PROLOGUE 



and spoken by him in the character of an auctio7urr. 

Before this court, I peter puff appear, 
A. briton born, and bred an auctioneer ! 
Who ibr tiiyseif, and eke a hundred others, 
My useful, honest, learned, bawling brothers, 
With much humility and fear implore ye, 
To lay our present desp'rate case before ye. 

Tis said tiiis night a certain wag intends 
To laugh at us, our calling and our friends : 
l\^ lords and ladies, and such dainty folks ! 
Are cured of auction-hunting by his jokes. 
Should this odd doctrine spread throughout the land 
Before you buy, be sure to understand; 
Oh, think on us what various ills will flow, 
AVhen great ones only purchase — what they know 7 
Why laugh at taste / it is a harmless fashion. 
And quite subdues each detrimental passion ; 
The fair ones' hearts will ne'er incline to man, 
While thus they rage for — China and Japan, 
The virtuoso too, and connoisseur. 
Are ever decent, delicate, and pure ; 
The smallest hair their looser thoughts might holt-. 
Just warm when single, and when married, cold : 
Their blood at sight of beauty gently flows ," 
Their Venus must be old, and want a nose ! 
No am'rous passion with deep knowledge thrives , 
Tis the complaint, indeed, ol all our wives ! 
I'is said virtu to such a height is grown. 
All aitists are encouraged — but our own. 
Be not deceived I here declare on oath, 
I never yet sold goods o. foreign growth : 
Ne'er sent commissions out to Greece ovRomc , 
My best antiquities are made at home. 
I've ronians, greeks , itaiians, near at hand, 
True britons all — and living in the strand, 
1 ne'er for trinkets rack my pericranium, 
They furnish out my room tiom herculaneum* 
But hush— 



mmm^^msm^fommim 




PROLOGUE. 

Should it be known that engUsh are employed, 
Our manufacture is at once destroyed ; 
No matter what our countrymen deserve, 
They'll thrive as ancients, but as moderns starve — 
if we should fall to you it will be owing ; 
Farewell to arts — they're going, going, going; 
The fatal hammer's in your hand, oh, town ! 
Then set us up — and knock the poet down. 



TASTE. 

In this pleasant comedy, which came from the satirical pen of 
Samuel Foote, we meet with * much to approve, and little to con- 
demn.' 

It was brought before the public in the year 1752 ; as the com- 
edy throughout is rich in satire of the first description, it is to be 
vegretted that it has been suffered to lay so long dormant. 



DRAMATIS PERSONS, 



Carmine, 

Puff, 

Brush, 

Novice, 

Lord Dupe, 

Alderman Pentweazel, 

Caleb, 

Boy, 

Lady Featw^azel, 



Drury-lanc. 

Mr, Palmer 

— Yates 

— Cross 

— Blakeo 

— Shuter 

— Taswell 

— Costollo 
Mast. Cross 
Mr. fVorsdalc 



The passages distinguished by inverted commas tl^iis, 
4^^ '-) are omitted in the represcntQtiort. 




■*i' A S T }:, 



ACT I. 



sci:.vE I— a painting room, 
mter caumine, followed by the Bor. 

i^'^J^ *''*'''' ''°''"'' '" f'^« ^™do^. by the Diiict 
Any visitors or mes>ao-<^^' '^ "^ paiiei. 

™ay take youronn tiie ''"'**="' ''" ^'^^^■' y«" 

Cor. Well 

delicacy of a'Cu t t-^ Jnll. T='x,'%*° ^"PP'-^ «ie 
design of a RaDhaf.? ^^ ^f°!°""S .^- =^ R«bens. and the 

With these, not one V^^:;^' "-^-^ -^ 
e^i^^er BOY, w;fY/^ the slate, 

,.ft .ro„s lor tood ; and witli them, too, gulps down 





g TASTE [Foofe 

every tl.L"? tl.at's offered her-no m^.^tf" ho«- coarse. 
Weli! she shall be fed ; I'll make her my uitroductory key 
to tlie whole bench of aldemieH. 

enter boy rcith puFF. 

B"V. Mr. Puff, sir- ^, , 

Car If-t us be private. What have you there . _ 
Pvf Tv.0 oi R'iT,brandt's etching, by Scrape m May . 
buiU- iasE : a paltry afidir, a poor ten-guinea ,obr however 
a" man game-yon know the proverb-what became ot 

^"car!TwJs 'detained by sir Positive Bubble How 
went the pictures ? the GuiJio, what dia that letch ? 
PutT. One hundred and thirty. ^^ <., ■ ,< 

fvr Ham ! four guineas the frame, three the paint- 
ing ; then we dividi jurt one hundred and twenty- 

*''%> Hold-not altosetlier so fast-Varnish had two 
piccef for MHding agaiast Squander, and Brush hve for 

'T^Im^m; w^^lT'lo^k ye, mr. Puff, if these people 
oje " -'nafy quartered iri^on us, I deeJare off, s,r ; they 
^atup «i^ rof t. There's that damned Brush-but you'll 
^nd h m out. I tavc upon his old plangiven h>m.cop,esof 
" thP work 1 execute.! upon his recommendation : and 
wLat wasthe consequence ? he clandestinely so d the cop- 
ies and I have ail the originals in my hmiber-room. 

Pt ? Come, come, Carna.ie, you are no great .oser 
hv tlat ^h! that lun>fc:-r-room! that lumber-room oat 
5 r S- is the best con,5il^oned estate in the cor.ntj' ot 
4 V le ex Whv, now tU-re's your Susannah, ,t could 
n^v-' produce;:! you above twenty at most ; and b the 
^"dit'on of your l.ui.bcr-room dirt and th^salutar> ap~ 
n V t'ono the 'spalth.ir:-pot, it became a Gu.do, vvortl 
^, "Jr^A tf,it-v DOi-n Is. " Besi.les, in all traffic ot 

. Ssh'':^:: ourjack,... and ^^^^f^^^^J^^^ 
" t-.ke of t;>: pr< y. Courage, my bov : n.vrrtear. i laise 
.. be to follv an i fashion." there are in this town dupes 
- pno ;"h to grntifv the avarice ot ns all. 
rTr .Mr. Puff, 'you arc ignorant and scurrilous, and 



I 



Act!] TASTE ? 

and rery impertiiieiit, mv. Puff; and, mr, Piiif,;! have a 
strange mind to leave yoa to yoni.selves, and thea see 
what a hand you wonid make of it — sir, ii' I cio nov/ .ind 
then add some tints of antiquity to my pictures, I do it in 
condescension to the foible of the ^yorld ; lor, sir, age, -^'^^ 
sir, is all my pictures want to render 'em as goo.i raoces 
as the masters from whom they are taken : and let aie 
tell you, sir, he that took my Susannali for a Gaido, gave 
no mio;hty proofs of his ignorance, mr. Putf. 

Puff. Why, thou post-painter, thou dauber, thou exe- 
crable white-washer, thou — *' sirrah," have you so soon 
tbrgot the wretched state from whence i uragge i you t 
the first time I set ey^es on you, *• rascal 1" wh^it wis your 
occupation then '? scribbling, in scarce legible letters, 
coffee J tea, and chocolate , on a bawdy-house window in 
Goodman' s-fields. 

Car, The meanness of Eiy original demonstrates tlic 
greatness of my genius. 

Puff. Genius ! here's a dog. Pray, how high did your 
genius soar ? to tiie daubing diabolical angels for ale- 
houses, dogs with chains for tanners yards, rounds of beef 
and roasted pigs for Porridge island. 

Car. Hannibal Scratchi did the same, 

Piiff. From tliat contemptible state did not I raise you 
to the cat and fiddle in Petticoat-lane ; the goose and grid- 
iron in Paul's church-yard ; the first live things you ever 
drew, ** dog ?" 

Car. Pox take your memory. V/ell, but, mr. Puff— 
you are so 

Ptff. Nov did I quit you tlien : who, sirrah, recom- 
mended you to Prun Stiff, the mercer Tipon Ludgate-hill ; 
how came you to draw the queen there ? {loud knocks at 
the door) 

Car. Mr. Puff, for heaven's sake ! dear sir, you afe 
so warm, we shall be blown — -- 

enter bov. 

Boy. Sir, my lady Pen 

Car. Seed hqr to the — show her irp stairs, de^r 





TASTE 



[Footfc 



Puff. Oh '. sir, I can be calm ; I only wanted to let 
you see I had not forgot, though perhaps you may. 

Car. Sir, you are very obliging. Well, but now as all 
is over, if you will retreat a small time — lady Pentweazel 

sits lor her pictare, and she's 

Piiff I have some business at the next door ; I sup- 
pose in half an hour's time 

Car. I shall be at leisure. Dear Puff— — 

Piiff. Dear Carmine [exit Puff 

Car. Son of a whore — boy, show the lady up stairs. 

enter lacf^ pestweazel. 

L. Pen. Fine pieces ! very likely pieces ! and indeed 
all ^like. Bum! lady Fusooek — dn t, ha, ha. La! lady 
€il' ra^tead, by all that's ugly — pray^ nov", mr. Carmine, 
ho'v do you limners contrive to overlook the ugliness and 
yet preserve tht^. likeness ? 

Car. The rat, maclam, may be conveyed in two words ; 
where nature has been severe, we soften ; where she has 
been kind, we aggravate. 

L. Pen. Very ingenus, and very kind, truly. Well, 
goo i sir, I bring you a subject that will demand the v* hole 
of the first i^ttrt of your skill ; and if you are at leisure, 
you may be'xia dhectly. 

Car. Year laoyship is here a little ungrateful to nature, 
and cruel to yourself; even lauy Fentweazle's emmies, 
if such there be, must allow that she is a tine woman. 

L. Pen. Oh, your servant, gooi sir. Wliy, I have 
had my flay, mr. Carmine ; 1 have had my day. 

Car. And iiave still, madam. The only diflTerence I 
shall make between what you were, an(i wiiat you are, 
will be no more tlian what Rubens has (.istinguished bo 
tween Mary de Medicis, a virgin and a regent. 

L. Pen. Mr. Carmine, I vo^v you are a very judicious 
person, I was always saia to b<? like that family. When 
my piece was hrst done, the limner did me after Venus 
de Meoicis, ** which, 1 suppose, might be one of Mary's 
sister's :" but things must change ; to be sitting for my 
picture at this time of day ; ha, ha ! but my daughter 
Sukry, you m 'st know is just manied to rar. Deputy 
Dripping, of Candlewick-warci, and ^vould not be said 



Act rj TASTE 9 

nay ; so it is not sx) much for the beaiily, as the siaiifiiade 
Ha, ha ! 

Car, True, madam ; ha, ha ! but if I hit the likeness, 
I must preserve tiie beauty. Will your ladyship be seat- 
ed ? (she sUsJ 

L. Pen. I have heard, good sir, that every body has a 
more betterer and more worserer side of the face than the 
other — now which will you choose ? 

Car, The right-side, madam — the left — now, if you 
please, the full — your ladyship's countenance is so ex- 
actly proportioned, that I must have it all ; no feature 
can be spared. 

L. Fen. When you come to the eyes, mr. Carminev 
let me know, that I may call up a look. 

Car. Mighty well, madam — your face a little nearer to 
the left, nearer me — your head more up — she aiders back 
— and chest forward. 

L. Pen, Bless me, mr. Carmine, dont mind my shape 
this bout J Der Tm only in jumps. Shall 1 send for my 
tabbies ? 

Car. No, madam, we'll supply that for tke present— 
your ladyship was just now mentioning a daughter — is she 
— your face a little more towards me — is she the sole in- 
heritor of her mother's beauty ? or — have you-- — 

L. Pen. That ? ha^ ha, ha ! why, that's my youngest 
of all, except Caleb. I have had, mr. Carmine, live-born 
and christened — stay — dont let me lie now — one — two 
— three— four — five — " then I lay fallow — but the year 
** after I had twins — they came in mr. Pentweazers sher- 
*.* iffalty; then Roger, then Robin, then Reuben — *' in 
short, I have had twenty as fine babes as ever trod in shoe 
of leather. 

Car. Upon my word, madam, your ladyship is an ad- 
mirable member of the commonwealth ; tis a thousand 
pities that, like the romans, we have not some honors to 
reward such distinguished merit. 

L. Pen. Ay, ay, mr. Carmiiio, if breeding amongst chris- 
tians was as much encouragtid as amongst dogs aad horses, 
we need not be making laws to let in a parcel of outland- 
ish locusts to eat us all up. 
Car, I am told, madsaD, that a bill f^r some such ^iiv- 
B ? 




10 



TASTE 



[Foote 



n 



po^e is about to pass, " and that we beghi now to have 

"'' ahnost as much regard lor the propagation ot the spe^ 

^' cies, as the prnservatioa of the game ia these kmg- 

^' doras"— now, madaTri, I am come to the eyes— oh i 

that look, that, that I must despair ot imitating. 

L Pen. Oh ! oh ! good sir, have yon tbuna out that / 

whv', all mv family by the mother's side were famous for 

their eves : I have a great aunt among the beauties at 

Windsor ; she has a sister at Hampton-court, a perdigious 

fine woman— she had but one eye, indeed, but that was 

a piercer ; that one eye got her three husbands— we were 

called the gimkt-^eved family. Oh ! mr. Carmuie, you 

reed not mind these heats in my face ; they always dis» 

charge themselves about Christmas— my true carnation is 

not seen m my co»mtenance. That's carnation 1 here s 

your nesr. and blood, [showing her arm) 

Car. Delicate, indeed! iinely turned, and of acharm= 

Ins color! , , - . ., 

L Pen 4ndyetithasbeen employed enough to spoil 

the best hand and arm in the world— even before mar- 

ri ,2:e nev^^r idle ; none of your galloping, gossiping- 

Baiiela-h romps, like the forward minxes ol the present 

age. ! was always employed either in painting your 

Umskips, playing upo*^ ^'^s haspicols, making paste, or 

somethins; or'othrr— all our family had a geno ; and then 

i sung ! eyery body said I had a monstrous fine voice tor 

xnusic. , - , . , A 

Car. That n;ay be discerned by your ladysliip s tones 

iu conversation. . ,, . ^ 

L Pen. Tones— you are right, mr. Carmine ; that was 
mi'. Purcel's word. Miss Molly Griskin, says he, my maid'- 
cnname, you have tones. 

Car. As your ladyship has preserved every thing else 
_^o well, I dare swear you have not lost your voice. Will 
you liavor me with an air ? 

L. Pen. Oh ! sir, you are so polite, that it's impossi* 
ble— but I have none of your new playhouse songs— 1 can 
<rive you one that nas made on myself by Laurence Lute* 
string, a neighbor's son. 

Car. What you please, madam. 
L Pen, (dnp^ 



Act IJ 



TASTE 



11 



As I was walking by the side of a river, 

I met a youug damsel so charming and clever ; 

Her voice to please it could Hot fail. 

She sung like any nightingale. 

Fal, de, rol ; hugh, hugh, &c. 
Bless me ! I have such a congh ; but there are tones. 

Car. Inimitable ones. 

I/. Pen. But, mr. Carmine, you limners are all Inge* 
nus men — you sing. 

Car. A ballad, or so, madam; music is a sister-art; 
and it would be a little unnatural not to cultivate an ac- 
quaintance there. 

L. Pen. Why, truly, we ought not to be ashamed of oujr 
relations, unless they are poor ; and then you know 

enter boy. 

Boy. Alderman Pentweazel, and mr. Puff. 

L. Pen. Oh, he was to call upon me ; we go to the 
auction. Desire him to walk up—mr. Pentweazel, you 
must know, went this morning to meet Caleb ray young* 
est boy, at the bull and gate. The child has been two 
years and three quarters at school, with dr. Jerk, near 
Doncaster, and comes to-day by the York waggon : fcr it 
has always been my mazum, mr. Carmine, to give my 
children learning enough ; ibr, as the old saying is, 
When house and land are gone and spent, 
Then learning is most excellent. 

Car. Your ladyship is quite right. Too much money 
cannot be employed in so material an article. 

L. Pen. Nay, the cost is but small ; but poor ten 
poumls a-year, for head, back, books, bed, and belly ; 
anci they say the children are all wonderful latiners, and 
come up, lack-a-day, they come up iis fat as pigs. Oh, 
here they are ; odds me ! he's a thumier. You see, mr. 
Carmine, I breed no starvelings— come hither, child. 
Mind your haviors. Where's your best bow ? turn out 
jour toes. One would think he Iiaci ieann to dance of 
0is father. I'm sure my family were non so awkward 
—There was my brother George, a pfrt. . .i-ture of a 
man : he danced, lud ! but come all in gcQa time— hol(^ 
up thy head, Caleb. 




XI 



TASTE 



[Footfc 



Aid. Prithee, sweet honey, let the child alone. His 
master says he comes on wonderful in his learnins:; ; and 
as to your bows and your congees, never fear, he'll learn 
tliera last enough at home. 

L. Pen, Lack-a-day i well said — we now — if he does, 
i know who must teach him. Well, child, and dost re- 
niember me ? hey ? who am I ? 

Caleb. Anon ? 

L. Pen. Dost know me ? 

Caleb. Yes ; you be mother. 

L. Pen. Nay, the boy had always a good memory* 
And what hast learnt, Caleb, hey ? 

Caleb. I be got into iEsop's fables, and can say all as 
in presenti by heart. 

L. Pen. Upon my word — that's more than ever thy 
father could. 

Aid. Nay, nay, no time has been lost ; I questioned 
the lad as we came along ; I asked him himself 

L. Pen. Well, well ; speak when you are spoken to, 
mr. Alderman. How often must I — well, Caleb, and 
hadst a good deal of company in the waggon, boy ? 

Caleb. O la I powers of company, mother. There was 
lord Gorman's fat cook, a blackamore drumming man, 
two actor people, a recruiting Serjeant, a monkey, and L 

L. Pen. Upon my word, a pretty parcel. 

Caleb. Yes, indeed ; but the — the i'at cook got drunk 
at Coventry, and so fell out at the tail of the waggon ; so 
we left slie behind. The next day the serjeant ran away 
with the showman's wife ; and t'other iwo went after ; 
so only the monkey and I came to town together. 

Car. Upon my word the young gentleman gives a good 
account of his travels, 

L. Pen. Ay, ay, mr. Carmine, he's all over the*blood 
of the Griskins. 1 warrant the child will make his way. 
Go, Caleb, go and look at them pretty paintings— now, 
nir. Carmine, let us see if my good man can find me out. 

Aid. Lack-a-day : well, I profess they are all so hand- 
some, that I am puzzled to know which is thine, chuck*/ 

Puff. I am surprised at your want of discernment, mr. 
Alderman ; but the possession of a jewel destroys its value 
Tvith the wearer : now to me it i^eems impossible tu 



Act f] 



TASTE 



13 



err ; and though mr. Carmine is generally successful, in 
tills instance he is particuJarly happy. Where can yon 
meet with that mixture of fire and softness, but in the eyes 
of lady Pentweazrl ? 

L, Pen. Oh, sir ! 

Puff. That clearness and delicacy of complexion, with 
that flow of ruddiness and health. 

L. Pen. Sir I sir ! sir ! 

Puff. That fall of shoulders, turn of neck, set-on 
head, full chest, taper waist, plump 

L. Pen. Spare me, sweet sir ! you see, mr. Pentwea- 
zel, other people can find out my charms, though you 
overlook them — well, I profess, sir, you are a genthjuian 
of great discernment : and, if business should bring you 
into tlie city, for, alas ! what pleasure can bring a maa 
of your refined taste there ! 

Puff. Oh ! ma'am ! 

L. Pen. I say, sir, if such an accident should happen, 
and Blowbladder-street has any charms-- 

Puff. Oh ! ma'am ! ma'am ! ma'am ! ma'am ! 

L. Pen, It is not impossible but we may receive you, 
though not equal to your merits 

Puff. Ma'am! 

L. Pen. Yet in such a manner as to show our sense of 
them. Sir, I'm your yery obedient. 

Puff. Your ladyship's most 

L. Pen, Not a step. 

Puff. Ma'am 

L. Pen. Sii- — mr. Alderman, your bow to tlie gentle:- 
man. The very finest. 

Puff. Ma'am! 

L. Pen. Sir — your most obedient. 

Puff. Your deyoted. [exeunt alderman and wife 

Car. Ha, ha ! well said. Puff. What a calamity hast 
thou drawn upon the knight ! thou hast so tickled the 
vanity of the harraaan, that the poor helpmate will expe*: 
rience a double portion of her contempt. 

''Puff. Rot them. 

** Car. Come, PufF, a matii?Tionial assistant to a rich 
" alderman is no contv mptil^l: employment. 

'' Piff^ Ay, if it were a sinecure. 



14 



TASTE 



{Feole 



'' Cax^ No, that you must not expect ; but unless I am 
*• greatly mistaken in the language of the eyes, herlady- 
'' ship-s were addressed to you with most persuasive ten- 
** derness. 

" Puff, Well, of that hereafter—" but to our busi- 
ness. The auction is about beginning ; and 1 have prom- 
ised to meet mr. David Dusledorpe, sir Positive Bubble, 
and lord Dupe, to examine the pictures, and fix on those 
for Vr'hieh they are to bid — but since we have settled the 
german plan ; so Varnish or Brash, must attend them. 

Car. Oh I by all means pursue that. *' You have no 
'* conception how dear tlie foreign accent is to your true 
'' virtuoso ; it announces taste, knowledge, veracity, and 
" in short, every thing — " but can you enough disguise 
the turn of your face, and tone of your voice / a discov- 
ery of mr. Puff, in mynheer Groningen, bhsts us at once. 

Puff, Never fear me. I wish you may have equal 
success in the part of Canto. 

Car. Pho ! mine's a trifle. A man must have very 
slender abilities indeed, who can't for ten minutes imi- 
tate a language and deportment that he has been witness 
to for ten years. 

Puff. *' But you must get their tones, their tones ; ii^ 
'' easy enough. Come, hand up here tJiat there Corregio ; 
'^ an inimitable piece, gentlemen and ladies : the very 
'* best work of the best master ; subject agreeable, high- 
'' ly finished, and well preserved ; a seat for the ladies ; 
'* hand it to sir Positive ; a going for fifty : speak, or it's 
*' going for fifty ; joy to your ladysJiip : come, the next.'* 
But, remember, let your bob be bushy anrl your bow low. 

Car. Enough, enough ; we are strangers to each other, 
you know. 

Puff. Absolute, Oh ! but what pictures of yours aje 
\\\ the sale ? 

Car. There's my Holy Family, by Raphael ; the Mar- 
riage in Cana, by Reuben Rouge ; Tom Jackson's Te- 
niers ; and for busts, Taylor's head witliout a nose from 
Herculaneum. 

Puff. Are the antique seals come home ? 

CGr. No ; but they wijl be finished by next week, 



Act Ifj TASTE 15 

Ptiff. Yon must take care of Novice's coliecti(?n of 
medals — he'll want them by the end of the month. 

Car. The coins of the first emperors are now steeping 
in copperas ; and I have an Otho, a Galba, a Nero, and 
two Domitians. reeking from the dunghill. The rest we 
can have from doctor Mummy ; a never-failing chap, 
you know. 

Puff. Adieu. 

Car. Yours, sir. A troublesome fellow, this — confound- 
ed memory— useful, though — rounds of beef and roasted 
pigs ! must get rid of him — ay, but when ? why, when — - 
when I have gained my point. But how, how then ? oH, 
then it does not signily two-pence. 

ES^D OF TRE FIRST ACT. 



ACT II. 

SCENE I — auction-room. 

enter puff as monsieur baron de Gronmgen^ carmixe 
as Caiito, and brush. 

Car. Come, bustle, bustle. Brush, you introduce Puff. 
Puf!', how are you in your german ? 

Puff. T canno speak for Englandt, but I can mak un- 
derstand very nughtily. Will that do ? 

Brush. To a h.air. Remember you are come hither 
to purchase pictures for the elector of Bavaria. Carmine, 
you must clap lord Dupe's coat of arms on that half-length 
of Erasmus ,• I have sold it him as his great-grandia- 
ther's third brother for fifty gidneas. 

Car. It shall be done — be it my province to establish 
the baron's reputation as a connoisseur. Brush has seen 
you abroad at the court of the reigning prince of Blantin. 

Ptff. Yes ; I was do business mightily for prince Blan- 
tin. 

Brush. Your portraits go first, Carmine. Novice, sir 
Positive Bubble, Jack Squander, lord Dupe, and Mor- 
decai Lazarus the jew-broker^ have appointed me to ex- 




16 TASTE [Foote 

amine wiib them the history-pieces. Which are most 
likely to stick ? 

Car, Here's a list. 

Brush. Hush ! hide the Erasmus ; I hear the company 
on the stairs. [eccit Carmine and re-enters unon 

enter lord dupe, bubble, squander, &t. 

L. Dupe. Mr. Brush, I am your devoted servant- 
You have procured my ancestor. 

Brush. It is in my possession, my lord ; and I have the 
honor to assure your lordship, that tiie family-features 
are very discernible ; and allowing for the difference of 
dress, there's a strong likeness between you and your pre- 
decessor. 

L. Dupe. Sir, you have obliged me. All these you 
have marked in the catalogue are originals ? 

Brush. Undoubted. But, my lord, you need not de- 
pend solely on my judgment : here's mynheer baron de 
Groningen, who is come hither to survey, and purchase 
for the elector of Bavaria ; an indisputable connoisseur : 
his bidding w ill be a direction for your lordship. '* Tis 
*' a thousand pities that any of these masters should quit 
*' England. They w ere conducted hither at an immense 
'" expense ; and if they now leave us, w hat w ill it be but a 
** public declaration, that all taste and liberal kno'svledge 
** is vanished from amongst us ? 

L. Dupe. " Sir — leave the support of the national 
** credit to my care." Could you introduce me to myn- 
heer ? does he speak english ? 

Brush. Not fluently, but so as to be understood. Myn- 
heer, lord Dupe — the partron of arts, the Petronius for 
taste, and for well-timed generosity the Leo — and the 
Maecenas — of the present age, desires to know you. 

Puff. Sir, you honor me very mightily. I was hear 
of lord Dupes in Hollandt. I was tell he was one dela- 
tant, one curieuse, one pricieuse of his country. 

L. Dupe. The dutch are an Obliging, civilized, well- 
bred, " pretty" kind of people. But pray, sir, what oc- 
casions us the honor of a visit from you ? 

Puff. I was come to bid for paints for de elector n^^ 
Bavarra. 





Act 11] 



TASTE 



ft 



L. Dupe. Aretliere any here that deserve your atten- 
tion ? 

Puff. O, dare are good pieces ; but dare is one I like^ 
mightily ; de off-sky, and honae track is tine, and de mais- 
ter is in it. 

L. Dupe. What is the subject ? 

Puff. Dat I know not ; vat I minds, vat you call the 
jdravvs and the colors. 

jL. Dupe, Mr. Canto, what is the subject ? 

Car. It is, my lord, st. Anthony of Padua exorcising 
the devil out oi" a ram-cat : it has a companion some- 
where — oh, here ! — which is the same saint in a wilder- 
»ess, reading his breviary by the light of a glow-worm. 

Brush. Invaluable pictures both ! and will match your 
lordship's Corregio«in the saloon, 

L. Dupe. Pll have them. What pictures are those, 
nir. Canto ? 

Car. They are not in the sale ; but I fancy I could 
procure them ibr your lordship. 

L. Dupe. This I presume, might have been a landskip ; 
but the water, and the men, and the trees, and the dogs, 
and the ducks, and the pigs, they are all obliterated, all 
gone. 

Brush. An indisputable mark of its antiquity ; its very 
merit ; besides, a iittle varnish will fetch the figures again. 

L. Dupe. Set it down for me— the next. 

Car. That is a Moses in the bulrushes. The blended 
joy and grief ia the figure of the sister in the comer, the 
distress and anxiety of the mother here, and the beauty 
and benevolence of Pharaoh's daughter, are circumstances 
bappily imagined, and boldly expressed. 

Brush. Lack-a-day. tis but a modern performance; 
tfee master is alive and an englishman. 

L. Dupe. Oh ! then I would not give it house room. 

Puff. Here is a pretty piece I find stick up here in de 
<i^rner : I was see in Ilollandt, at Loo, a piece mighty 
like ; there was little mices, that was nibble, nibble, nib- 
ble, upon vat you call trumage, and little shurels all vit 
trush tails ran up de tiees ; an(i there was great tnuigs. 
Tat yon call— pshaw, tliat have long hearts, and cry, ba. 

>»nwA, What ! goats ? 
G 




t8 TASTE [Foote 

Ptijf^ Ayj dat was de name. 

L. Dupe. I should think, by the cheese and the goats, 
mynheer, yours was a welsh piece instead of a dutch. 

Puff, Ah, twas good piece. I wish to my heart Ic^d 
Dupes was have that piece. 

enter novice. 

JVov. Where's mr. Brush ? my dear Erusti, am I too 
late? 

Brush. In pretty good time. 

Nov. May I loose my Otho, or be tumbled from my 
phaeton the first time I jehup my sorrels, if I have not 
raade more haste than a young surgeon to his first labor. 
But the lots, the lots, my dear Brush, what are they ? I'm 
upon the rack of impatience till I see them, and in a fever 
of desire till I possess tiiem. 

Brush. Mr. Canto, the gentleman would be glad to see 
the busts, medals, and precious relics, of Greece and an- 
cient Rome. 

Car. Perhaps, sir, we may show him something of 
greater antiquity — bring them for^vard — the first lot coq- 
sists of a hand without an arm, the first joint of the fore- 
finger gone, supposed to be a limb of the Apollo Delphos 
— the second, half a foot, with the toes intire, of the Juno 
Lucina — the third, the Caduceus of the Mercurius Infer* 
nalis — the fourth, the half of a leg of the infant Hercules 
—all indisputable antiques, and of the memphian marble* 

Puff\ Let me see Juno's hall-foot. All the toes intire ? 

Car. All, 

Puff. Here is a little swelt by this toe, dat looks bad 
proportion. 

All. Hey, hey ! 

Puff. What's dat? 

Car. That ! pshaw ! that ! why, that's only a corn. 

All. Oh! 

Pitj}\ Com ! dat was extreme natural ; dat is fine ,* de 
maister is in it. 

All. Very fine, invaluable ! 

Puff. AVhere is de Hercules' calf? upon ray word, tis 
a very large calf; big. big, big, all de wfry up, all d!^ 
wnv down. 





A«t 11] TASTfi 19 

L. Dupe. I believe this HerciJles was an irishman. 

Nov. But ^vhere are your busts ? here, here, gentle- 
men, liere's a curiosity I a medal of Oriuna ; got tor me 
by doctor Mummy ; the only one in the visible world ; 
there may be some under ground. 

L. Dupe. Fine indeed ! will you permit me to taste 
it ! it has the relish, {all taste) 

Nov. The relish ! zooks, it cost me a hundred guineas. 

Pits'. By gar, it is a dear bit, though. 

Nov. So you may think ; bat three times the money 
should not purchase it. 

L. Dupe. Pray, su, whose bust is it that dignifies this 
coin ? 

Nov. The empress Oriuna, my lord. 

L. Dupe. And who, sir, migiit she be ? I dont recollect 
to have heard of the lady beibre. 

Nov. Siie, my lord ? oh, slie was a kind of what-d'ye- 
call-em — a sort of a queen, or wife, or something or other, 
to somebody that Xiwaa a damned while ago — Mummy 
told me the wlK)Ie story; but, before gad, l*ve forgot it. 
But come, the busts. 

Car. Bring forivarvi iX\e head from Herculaneum. Now, 
gentlemen, h^re is a jewel. 

All. Ay, ay, let's see. 

Car. Tis not intire, thoagh. 

Nov. So mucii the better. 

Car. Right, sir— the vf ry inutiUtious of this piece are 
^vorth ali tae most perfect p'jribnn inces ofmodera utists. 
Now, gentlemen, here's a touchstone for your taste ! 

All. Great ! great indeed ! 

Nov. Great! amazing! divine ! oh, let me embrace 
the dear dismembered bust \ a little farth^^r off. I'm rav- 
ished ! I'm transported ! what an attitude ! but then the 
locks ! how I adore the simplicity of t)ic ancients ! how 
unlike the present, piggisli, crop-eared puppets ! how 
gracefully tiiey fall all adown the cheek ! so decent and 
so grave, and — who the devil do you think it is, Brush ? 
is it a man or a woman ? 

Car. The connoisseurs differ, Some vrill have it to be 
the Jupiter Tonans of Phidias, and others the Venus of 
Paphos from Praxiteles : but 1 dont think it herce enough 
fpv the first, nor handsome enough for the la^. 




20 TASTE [Foote 

Nov. Yes, handsome enough. 

All. Very handsome ; handsome enough. 

Car. Not quite — therefore 1 am inchned to jom with 
signior Julio de Pampediilo, who, in a treatise dedicated 
to the king ol" the two SiciHes, calls it the Serapis of the 
eygptians ; and supposes it to have been fabricated about 
eleven hundred and three years before the mosaic account 
of the creation. 

Nov. Prodigious ! and I dare swear true. 

All. Oh ! true, very true. 

Pvff. Upon my honor, tis a very fine bust ; but where 
is de nose ? 

Nov. The nose ; what care I for the nose ? where is 
de nose ? why, sir, if it had a nose, I would not give six- 
pence for it — how the devil should we distinguish the 
works of the ancients, if they were perfect ? the nose, in- 
deed ! why, I dont suppose now, but, barring the nose^ 
Roubiliac could cut as good a head every whit — Brash, 
who is this man with his nose '? the fellow siiould know 
something of something too, for he speaks broken en- 
glish. 

Bn'ush. It is mynheer Groningen, a great connoisseur 
in painting. 

Nov. That m^y be ; but as to sculpture, I am his ve- 
ry humble servant. A man must know damned little of 
statuary, that dislikes a bust for want of a nose. 

Car. Right, sir — the nose itself, without the head, nay> 
in another's possession, would be an estate — but here are 
behind, gentlemen and ladies, an equestrian statue of 
Marcus Aurelius without the horse, and a complete 
statue of the emperor Trajan with only the head and legs 
missing ; both from Herculaneum. This way, gentle- 
men and ladies. 

enter lady pextweazel, alder31an% and caleb. 

L. Pen. Now, mr. Pentweazel, let us have none of 
your Blowbiadder breeding. Remember you are at the 
€Ourt-f^nd of the town. This is a quality-auction. 

Aid. Where of course nothing is sold that is useful — I 
am tutored, sweet honey. 

L. Pen. Cdtlrb, keep behind, and dont bejmeddling* 
Sir (to BrushJ 




Act II] TASTE 21 

Brush, Your pkasiire, ma'am ? 

L. Pen, I should be glad you would inform me if there 
are any lots of very fine old china. I find the quality 
are grown infinitely fond of it ; and I am willing to show 
the world that we in the city have taste. 

Brush, Tis a laudable resolution, ma'am ; and I dare 
say, mv. Canto can supply — bless me ! what's that ? 
(Caleb throws down a chna-dish) 

L. Pen, That boy, I sr.ppose ! well, if the mischiev- 
ous brat has not broke a— and look how he stands — sir- 
rah, sirrah, did I not bid you not meddle — leave sucking 
your thumbs. What, I suppose you learnt that trick of 
your friend the monkey in the v/aggon ? 

Caleb. Indeed I did not go to ao it, mother. 

Aid, Prithee, sweet honey, dont be so passionate.— 
What's doiie can't be undone. The loss is not great ; 
comie, come. 

Brush. Mr. Alderman is in the right. The affair is a 
trifle ; but a twenty guinea job. 

L, Pen, Twenty guineas ! you should have twenty of 
my teeth as • 

Car, You mean if you had them. Your ladyship does 
not know the value of that piece of china. It is the right 
old japan of the pea-green kind. Lady Mandarin of- 
fered me, if I could match it, tour-score guineas lor the 
pair. 

L. Dupe, A fine piece, indeed I 

Pujf. Tis ver fine ! 

Caleb, Indeed, father, I did not break it. Twas crack- 
ed in the middle, and so fell a-two in my hand. 

L, Pen, What ! was it cracked ? 

Caleb. Yr-s, indeed, mother. 

L. Pen. There, gc ntlemen ! 

L, Dupe. Ma'am, I would willingly set you right in this 
affair : you dont seem acquainted with these kind of 
tilings ; therefore, I have the honor to tell you, that the 
crack m the mid lie is a mark of its antiquity, and enhan- 
ces it? value ; and these gentlemen are, I dare say, of 
the same opinion. 

All, Oh, intirely. 

L. Pen. You are all of a gang, I think, A bTokeJ& 
piece of china better than a whole one ! 




22 TASTE [Foote 

L, Dupe. Ma'am, I never dispute with a lady ; but 
this gentleman has tp.ste ; he is a ibr^ igner, and so can't 
be thought prejudiced ; refer it to him : the day grows 
late, and I want the auction to begin. 
AM. Sweet honav, leave it to the gentleman. 
L, Pen. Well, sir. 

Puff. Madam, I lov9 to serve de lady. Tis a ver fine 
piece of china. I was see such another piece sell at Am- 
sterdam {'or a hundred ducats. Tis ver well worth twen- 
ty guinea. 

Caleb. Mother ! father ! never stir if that gentleman 
ben't the same that we see'd at the painting-man's, that 
was so zivil to mother : only he has got a black wig on, 
and speaks outlandish. I'll be fur-enough if it en't a 
May-gan>e. 

L. Pen. Hey ! let me die but the boy's in the ^ighl^ 
My dear, as Pm alive, mr. Fufi', that we saw at the lim- 
ner's. I told you he was a more cleverer man than I 
ever saw. Caleb is rignt ; some matter of merriment, I 
warrant. 
Puff. I wish it was. (aside) I no understand. 
Car. So, mr. Puff, you are caught, (aside) 
L. Dupe. This is a most unfortunate old lady. Ma'am, 
you are here under another mistake. This is mynheer 

baron de 

L. Pen. Mynheer figs-end ! can't I believe my own 
eyes ? what, do you think because we live in the city, we 
can't see ? 

Nov. Fire me, my lord, there may be more in this than 
we can guess, it's worth examining into. Come, sir, if 
you an mynheer, who the devil knows you ? 
Puff. I was know mr. Canto mightily. 
IVov. Mr. Canto, do you know this baron ? 
Car. 1 see the dog will be detected, and now is my 
time to be even with^him tor his rounds of beef and roast- 
ing pigs, (aside) I can't say I ever saw the gentleman 
before. 

Nov. Oh, oh! 

Zy. Dupe. The fellow is an impostor ; a palpable cheat. 
Sir, I think you came from the Rhine ; pray, how should 
you like walking into the Thames ? 

Nov. Or, wlKit think you, my lord j the rascal com' 





Act II] TASTE 23 

plained but now that the bust wanted a nose ; suppose 
we were io supply the deficiency witii his ? 

L, Dupe, But justice, mr. Novice. 

Car. Great rascal, indeed, gentlemen ! if rogues of this 
stamp get once a footing in tiiese assemblies, adieu to ail 
moral honesty. I think an example should be made of 
him. But, were I to advise, he is a properer subject for 
the rabble to hajidlefthan the present company. 

jilL Away with him. 

Puff. Hands otf. If I must suffer, it shall not be sing- 
ly- Here is the obsequious mr. Brush, and the very 
courtly mr. Canto, shall be the partners of my distress. 
Know then, we all are rogues, if the taking advantage 
of the absurdities and follies of mankind can be called 
roguery. I own I have been a cheat, and I glory in it. 
But what point will you virtuosi, you connoisseurs, gain 
by the detection ? will not ttie publishing of our crimes 
trumpet forth your folly ? 

L. Dupe. Matchless impudence ! 

Puff. My noble lord here, the dilletanti, the curieu, 
the precieu of this nation ! what infinite glory will he 
acquire from this story, that the Leo, the Maecenas, the 
Petronius, notwithstanding his exquisite taste, has been 
drawn in to purchase, at an immense expense a cart-load 
of— rubbish. 

L. Dupe. Gentlemen and ladies — I have the honor 
to take my leave. 

Puff, Your lordship's mostoliedient — when shall I send 
you your Corregio, your st. Anthony of Padua, your ram- 
cat, my good lord ? 

L. Dupe. Rascal ! [exit 

Nov. This won't do, sir. Though my lord has not 
vspirit enough, damn me if I quit you. 

Puff. What, my sprightly squire ! pray favor me 
with a sight of your Oriuna. It Ims the relish ; an indis° 
putable antique ; being a Bristol farthing, coined by a 
soap-boiler to pay his journeymen in the scarcity of cash, 
and purchased for two-pence of a travelling tinker by, sir^ 
your humble servant, Timothy PiifF. Ha, ha, ha ! 

Nov. My Oriuna a Bristol farthing ! 

Puff. Most assuredly. 

N9i\ rn be revenged, (going) 



mmmmmmnim 




-'4 TASTE [Foote 

Puff, Stay, stay, and take your bust, my sweet squire ; 
your Serapis. Two heads they say are better than one ; 
lay them together. But the locks ! how gracefuUy they 
fall all adown ? so decent, and so — ha, ha, ha ! 

Nov. Confound you ! 

Puff, Why, sir, if it had a nose, I would not give six- 
pence for it. — Pray, how many years before the creation i 
was it fabricated, squire ! 

Nov. I shall live to see you hanged, you dog. [exit 

Puff. Nay, but, squire ; ha, ha, ha ! now, madam, to ^ 
your ladyship I come ; to w hose discernment, aided by^ 
the sagacity of your son Caleb, I owe my discovery. 

j4liL Look }ou, dout think to abuse my lady. I am 
one of the 

Puff. Quorum T know it, mr. Alderman ; but I 

mean to serve your worship, by humbling a little tlie 
vanity of your wife. 

L. Pen. Come along, chuck. I'll not stay to hear the 
rascality of the tellow. 

Puff. Oh, my lady Pentrceasel, correct the severity of ' 
that frown, lest you should have more of the Medusa thaa 
the Medicis in your face. 

L. Pen. Saucy jackanapes ! 

Pvff. What, then, I have quite lost my city acquaint- 
ance ; why, Pve promised all my friends tickets for my 
lord mayor's ball, through your ladyship's interest. 

L. Pen. ]\Ty interest, indeed, for such a 

Puff. If Blov^bladder-street has any charms — sir — 
ma'am — not a step — the finest gentiemau ! ha, ha, ha ! — • 
and what can you say for yourself, you cowardly ill-look- 
ing rascal ? (to Carmine) desert your friend at the first 
pinch — your ally — your partner ! no apology, sir — I have 
done with you. From poverty and shame I took you, W 
that I restore you. ** Your crime be your punishment.''' 
{turning to the audience) Could I be as secure from the 
censure of this assembly, as I am safe from the resentment 
of Dupe, Novice, Squander, from the alluring baits of 
my amorous city lady, and the dangerous combmation of 
':3y false friend, I should be happy. 

Tis from your sentence I expect my fAe ; 
Your voice alone my triumph can complete. 




V>«««MMMnMH«« 





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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

II I ||i|i!ll|l III III 




"o"oi4 153 208A 




